How are you? Are you enjoying your weekend?

On my side, I have experienced a hard and "long" process of worrying --> sadness --> calm down --> face the fact.

First of all, in our company, we have created a very good achievement on both of the business and benefit.

-- Except having had two TV centers in Beijing and Shanghai, the other two TV centers have been opened in Hangzhou and Chengdu.

-- Except having entered into Taiwan, Hong Kong and most of the province's capital cities, our TV programs have entered Gansu this Tuesday.

-- Except making and managing the main indexes of Shenzhen Stock Exchange, the new GEM (Growth Enterprises Market) index that is made and managed by our company started to work since this Monday.

Except the year-end bonus, every employee has gotten a good quarter’s bonus first time.

Secondly, in my art learning field, many gates have opened for me. By so much actual help of the Springfield Chamber of Commerce, Missouri State University, Spring Business Journal and Shenzhen Daily, I will be able to share some of my ideas, thoughts on Chinese culture and arts with more people in both of Western and Eastern worlds. It is also hopeful to found or join a fund to help more people to learn Chinese art and culture via donating some of my painting works…

Unfortunately, when every thing is getting better and better in the company and there is a huge room for me to work in, when my long-term art dreams have been true and would be true, the problem on my eyes and health are blocking me to go forward. I am suffering the pain that my mind is very clear, my eyes and health cannot support me…

I have really felt the sadness of "Chu Shi Wei Jie Shen Xian Si" -- Being Dead Before the Ship Has Sank indeed.

In fact, I had felt this before I started my travel to the US. I had given up the treatment for a while after seeing many doctors in many hospitals.

The so much caring for and actual help from my bosses, friends, work partners, professors, university and organizations in China and in the US, in the true world and on the Internet, have made me feel so much warmth, careful and being needed, it has really helped me re-set up the confidence with myself.

One hand, I have made some arrangement for the worst situation; the other hand, I have re-seen some doctors in the US and in China. Just this week, I have been to the Shenzhen Ophthalmic Hospital and Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine.

Now I have calmed down already, I would like to face the fact with a peaceful heart:

-- To accept the fact that I will not see clear now and in the future, prepare to work with my other abilities, such as music and voice...

-- To focus my limited time, energy and life on something most important and most meaningful; to do something that I really want to do for whole of my life.

At this time, the first thing that I must do is to work on improving my health level via adjusting my own thought and life style.

I have not required myself must stay by the computer if I cannot see clear again. I have not forced myself to be in my office if I cannot read or write again. I am going to put down so much pressure and too many responsibilities that I have given myself for so many years. As soon as I cannot work by the computer, I go out of the office building, go back to my painting desk, to create something in my heart. Or I go to my music and art professors, to learn something to improve my singing or painting level.

This week, I have created/ practiced 7 paintings already. I am also thinking how to transfer the moer than 100 music works that I have created from Chinese numeral notations to be stave. Since almost every doctor told me that my eyes and body need to be rest at once, change work maybe is the best rest.

I have entrusted my art professor to connect a suitable art college for me, I hope to be an art student before my eyes lose their foundations. Also I hope to take my music CD with my new paintings to hold my next art exhibition somewhere... :-)

As long as I am still alive, I will learn work on the art of painting, music and language learning, to help the others while to improve myself.

So, I will continue to stay in the company for a while, to see whether my eyes and health will be able to recover. If it will, there is no problem for me to work on both of the company jobs and my art dreams until I retire normally; If my eyes and healthy will not be able to recover, I will rather than give up my current position and good income, to work on something that I truly love and I have looking forward to do for whole of my life, even though it will be for a short time.

I will try to do my best to work, to create and to live with smiles. To catch and live each today well, then I will create a good yesterday for tomorrow, a wonderful tomorrow for yesterday.

How do you think of my life attitude? Do you think that I have made a right choice? Do you have anything special in your life ?

I am just a learner on art of painting, music and English, to work on the web site in my free time. I would really like to do a few things with what I have learned to make this little web site to be an Electronic Bridge of Culture Exchange, Chinese Language Learning & Friendship making. To help the others while to improve myself.

I would like to appreciate your understanding, directions, supports and hope to get your friendly direction and help.

If you have any questions, comments or suggestions, you are welcome to write to shirley@ebridge.cn or shirley004@yahoo.com, or to publish your opinions in the forum.

Shirley Yiping Zhang
Sun., June 6, 2010