How are you? Have you had a good week? Are you enjoying your weekend now?

This is a up and down week. I began the Monday with so much hope and so many dreams, then I finished the Friday with a big frustration.

The true reason I was rejected by the MFA program at Missouri State University for my first application two weeks ago was not because I had applied too later, but for the other reasons. Therefore, even though I have done the re-application, its result will be same.

Suddenly I felt a sharp stomachache when I knew the truth at the dinner time Friday night. However, instead of lying on the bed, I tied my belly with a long belt, to help myself sitting on the chair, to start a little Chinese landscape that is below. After working on it for 5 or 6 hours, I was getting better, and be able to go to my computer to respond those people who had helped me with a grateful heart.

Even though I have not had any appetite physically, one of my arms sounds like numb much more, I have felt quite free and easy.

Now in my heart it is full of the appreciations to Professor Carolyn Cárdenas, the head of Art and Design Department of Missouri State University, the only art professor who had given me an opportunity to talk with her face to face in the university, to check my art works with her own eyes and to invite me to give her students a presentation on November 20, 2013, when I was in the US.

I appreciate her for she told me the truth. It has helped me to stop the application that has been kept for 45 days since July 1 to August 15, includes the second application for 10 days already.

I appreciate her for her good suggestions on my future art education and development direction with so much wisdom, sincerity and kindness as a head of the art department, a scholar and a friend of Chinese people, because I have felt her quite responsible attitude to the jobs of the MFA program in her department while the consideration to a foreign applicant from far away China among the words and between the lines from her letter.

With a grateful heart, instead of continuing the second application before the deadline has come for the Spring Semester, 2015, I have shifted my time, attention and energy to the other things I must do.

Now, when I recall the past 45 day’s works on the application, instead of feeling too bad, it is full of the thanks in my heart.

First of all, I appreciate it for I have known the process to apply a study opportunity in an American University (last time it was a department of Shenzhen Bureau of Personnel did all of the application jobs for me). Maybe someday, I can do this kind of services in case I need to make money. Just a joke. :- )

Secondly, the application process is just the best process of re-thinking and re-planning all of the things relate to my future development and my little cross-cultural and comprehensive art project. Now in my mind, I have known what I should do in the upcoming 3 years and I have had an outline about the future for 10 years already.

Thirdly, I have known some new friends and re-knew some old and reliable friends, and I would really like to thanks so many good organizations and individuals:

-- The staff who is working on the undergraduate admission position at Missouri State University: it was her or him, wrote to me patiently after she or he knew that I had written to a wrong place.

-- The staff who is working on the graduate admission position at Missouri State University: it was her of him, wrote to me and told me where I should submitted my data.

-- The staff of International Services at Missouri State University, especially Ms. Ashley Ryan, who is the International Admission Coordinator for their and her most responsible, patient and friendly jobs for helping me to submit my data, responded my emails, answered my all questions and received my international mail packs from the express (company)

All of the jobs they did for me, made me feel quite safe, warm and comfortable, even though we have not met each other, but I have felt all of these from the other side of the Ocean, feel their friendship and their sincerity, let me feel that I can really trust this university.

-- The staff of the MFA Program Committee, especially I would like to thank Professor Eric Pervukhin , the Director of the MFA Program, for he has responded my questions; received my data from the Internet and my mail pack from the express company that includes my formal publications and informal albums of paintings; told me the file formats of my digital portfolio after I had given him too many files in the unsuitable formats so that blocked his computer.

I would also like to thank Professor Vonda Yarberry for her good treatment.

-- The 5 references who have written recommendations for me in person in their so busy schedules and gave me theirs hands at the key time I needed help:

Professor Clifton M. Smart – President of Missouri State University;
Professor Man Wenqi – Executive Associate Dean of Chinese Painting School at Chinese National Academy of Arts, who is an adviser of my last publication.
Mr. Brad Bodenhausen - Director of International Leadership and Training Center at Missouri State University and former Executive Manager of Springfield Area Chamber of Commerce who was the sponsor of my first art exhibition.
Ms. Leah Hamilton - Director of Arts Administration at Drury University and former Executive Director of Springfield Region Art Council, who was the sponsor of my first art exhibition.
Professor Bill R. Booth – An Art Administrator and Art Professor in the USA for 43 years and my mentor since 2009.

-- All of my tutors and classmates who have helped me to prepare the data that I needed for the applications. Especially, I would like to thank:

Mr. Wu Tong, Associate Head of Teaching Department of Chinese Painting School at Chinese National Academy of Arts, and Mr. Sun Qi, Instructor in the Teaching Department, for they has offered the official transcript for me.
Mr. Xu Zhiyou, one of my former classmates at Chinese National Academy of Arts, he went to my first University in his city three time, by helping from a government official, a dean in the university and a staff at the Archives at the University Library, to offer me an official transcript in their summer vocation.

-- All of the clerks at a bank of China, who offered me the Financial Statement.

So, even though I have been rejected by the American University, after I was just fail in a Chinese National Examination, I do not feel too bad at this time, but I do feel I am a really lucky student indeed.

After all, compare with 4 years ago, instead of thinking where I should go to study art in my sick leave as an amateur, right now, I am talking about my art education relates to a master degree.

After all, before Mrs. Manuel - wife of President Manuel of Drury University asked: “ Do you want to teach? Will you want to teach after you finish your study in Beijing ?” at Drury University November 9, 2013, I had not thought of anything related to have a graduate study for a master degree at all.

Therefore, instead of feeling too bad, I see the failure as a new beginning point, to encourage me to improve myself continuously. Therefore, I have adjusted my work directions already:

-- I have started to work on my book writing now.
-- I have made sure the next art exhibition time at the Library in the Downtown of Springfield, MO, USA, around of the Chinese New Year’s Day in 2015.
-- I have booked the tickets to Australia, to see my family, while to visit some local schools, to make preparative for some new art exhibition and something else in Sydney or Melbourne in 2015 or 2016.

-- The most important, I have found a big book by a Foreign Studies University, which talked only 831 words, but 14,792 phrases and 1,875 idioms that produced from these words, with 1867 pages, mainly to talk about their synonyms, antonyms, collocations, grammar characters that would be tested in the National English examinations and they are just my weak pointes.

Aim at the fact I have no any English Language environment, instead of reading it silently, I read every statement, word, example sentence, idiom and everything in the book loudly, while I make a record in my computer with a word file and a vocal record, as my English Self-taught Notes. When I paint, I play the record to remember I must keep in mind or listen to a TV in English. Just in Shenzhen, I can have the condition to watch many channels in English, include CNN and BBC.

Sometimes, I do not feel I have breath enough to read loudly, for the ache in my stomach, but I am keeping doing it and I will finish it within 180 days.

When I write here, I cannot think of 2 Chinese idioms and a painting process in 2008.

The two idioms are: 知耻而后勇 (Zhī chǐ érhòu yǒng) Be Aware of Shame then Go Forward, and 失败是成功之母 （ shī bài shì chéng gōng zhī mǔ ）: Failure Is the Mother of Success.

The continuous failures recently, will certainly help me to see myself clear and go forward with more effort.

Since I have not needed to attend any lesson before I take part in another annul national English Examination for my MFA from Chinese National Academy of Arts in 2015. I will balance the benefit and loss, to see whether I should go back Beijing or not Sept, 2014.

The painting was a gouache I painted March 8, 2008, (it is below as well), after my home was robbed by 4 men. I do appreciate art for it has the special foundation to help me to go out of frustration, as a kind of the specific medicine, brings me back a peaceful heart.

How about you? Do you have anything special to share this week?
Sincerely,


Shirley Yiping Zhang
August 17, 2014 (Beijing Time)