How are you? Have you had a good weekend?

I do not know how to describe things on my side this week.

After thinking and thinking, with much hesitation, Tuesday morning, I had a discussion with my boss and hoped to listen to his advice on whether I should retire earlier; then the human resource department told me that the hospital had informed me to have a talking with them since some projects not normal in my annual health check in the afternoon.

Then I was told that there is a possible cancer in my body Wednesday morning.

With a lot of surprise (since I was just excluded cancer by a Pat-CT for whole of my body Dec, 2009) but a peaceful heart, using the knowledge and skills as a manager with a degree of MBA, within the short 1 day, did not find any friend to help, I went to 6 departments according to the directions of the health check conclusions and resolved 2/14 problems and had all of the first series of checks. Friday afternoon, I got back all of the check results and to see some of these doctors second time. A director of a department asked me to be in the hospital to have more check on my bones. Thinking of the most important check relates to the cancer would be done next Monday or Tuesday by another department, I have chosen to have a talking with the director of this department before being in the hospital, then to decide how to arrange the time and which problem should be resolved at the first.

Even though my boss has arranged the human recourse department to look after my health check since the doctors forbid me to drive for my vision, and I can call a driver from the company at any time, for avoiding bothering others, I kept walking or taking taxis 2 to 6 times each day to go to the hospital, to attend the meeting in the Shenzhen Stock Exchange, to arrange some work in the company. So that my feet have blebs, I am tan in the hot sunshine since it is difficult to take a taxi for there are too many people from the hospital. I feel easy in my heart. After all, it is not my style to rely on the others.

During the time, there were too many thoughts in my mind.

First of all, I am impression on the good management of Beijing University’s Shenzhen Subsidiary Hospital -- There were so many people there but there was so good order and a wonderful service there. No matter where I was, by the elevators, stairs, in the big hall, as long as I need, you could find a nurse with red sign to ask. No matter a doctor or a nurse, to speak with me polite and friendly. Therefore, I could get the so high efficiency check work before I get any help from a friend or an acquaintance. Compare with it, I am also impression on another hospital’s confusion. I had been there ahead for 1 hour months ago, I could not find where I should hand in my register data easily, the tone of the nurses cold and the patients crowded by some windows to wait for their medicine… I was there for 5 hours, just had a talking with a doctor for less than 10 minutes, there was no any check except touching on my pulse, then, I was offered much medicine. However, after waiting for about 2 hours in a crowd group, I got nothing for there was no most of the medicine on the first prescribe so that I had to go back to the doctor, then waited for another long time to get the medicine and be asked to go back to the doctor once each week. After looking at the medicine and thought for days, I threw whole of the big pack of medicine into the rubbish box. I could not forget the misdiagnose 18 years ago and I could not believe the cursory service and the medicine from a so confused place.

I am thinking if every hospital can work as Beijing University’s Shenzhen Subsidiary Hospital, China’s medicine reform will be truly successful.

Secondly, there are so many appreciations in my heart right now.

-- It seems like I am looked after by the God in the high and far space. Just at the key time that I would like to make the final decision to leave from the company, I was informed to make the check relates to a cancer, while I got the look after by the company at once.
-- The distance between 2 cancer excluding is 8 months and I had no any feeling about it, but it was found in the regular health check of the company. So, if the first excluding was right, then time should not be too later.

Thirdly, I was surprised on my growing up and mature.
-- Compare with the similar bad news 18 years ago, last time, I chose to kill myself with a beautiful but stupid reason ? I did not want to be a burden of the other. This time, when I got the bad news and looked at a doctor wrote the words “What What Cancer” on my medicine record notebook with my own eyes, instead of tearing, I talked with her peacefully, then, I went to 6 departments by the same processes ? registered, waited for, checked, be collected blood, took medicine, be injected, made appointments … in the same day. I wanted to keep the other parts of my body healthy, and then I will have the power to overcome the possible cancer. So that a taxi driver surprised to know my “achievement” in the day and he did not drive away at once when I should left, but he said to me “You are so nice and so smart person, you will be ok…” : -)

-- Compare with December, 2009, before I went to the operation table and then to face the similar situation, I felt a pity for I had no a wedding yet. I was also happy on the operation table for it would maybe give me the opportunity to meet my mother, elder brother and my American art and music teacher in the heave earlier. Then I sometimes gave up the treatment when I was feeling too pain to keep. This time, when I am facing a higher possibility of a cancer, what I am thinking is how to match the doctors to lengthen my life, then to use the life to work and to create something more beautiful for more people, to offer my endless love to the beautiful world, to return more people and the society.

-- Instead of giving up, I have started the fight with the possible cancer while to work on every thing I should do. When you see the new painting of peacocksthat I have created after I looked at the “Cancer” on my medicine recorder, you would know what my peaceful heart was.

-- With a same positive life attitude, I have cut my long work paper to be different little papers. As long as I have completed one part, I handed/hand in this part to my bosses. I will also hand in another important document to the Shenzhen Exchange Stock on Monday, before I went to the hospital.
-- I am looking forward to overcome the possible cancer, and to work on my long-term art dream with my American friends, to be a true Chinese culture and art and the friendship “emissary” between China and America as many people wished to me.
-- I am looking forward to improve myself via being a student in an art and music colleges some day.
-- I am most looking forward that my eyes can recover one day, then I can create more beautiful paintings with Chinese Gongbi style… to write a Long Novel and a Collected Essays names “Art of Life and Artistic Life”.

I am going to fight with the possible cancer until the last minute. Even though I am fail, I will donate my organs, body and close my eyes with smiles.

How about you? Do you have anything special this week?

I am just a learner on art of painting, music and English, to work on the web site in my free time. I would really like to do a few things with what I have learned to make this little web site to be an Electronic Bridge of Culture Exchange, Chinese Language Learning & Friendship making. To help the others while to improve myself.

I would like to appreciate your understanding, directions, supports and hope to get your friendly direction and help.

If you have any questions, comments or suggestions, you are welcome to write to shirley@ebridge.cn or shirley004@yahoo.com, or to publish your opinions in the forum.

Shirley Yiping Zhang
Sat, August 14, 2010